<!-- Begin
var howMany = 56
var quote = new Array(howMany+1)
quote[0]="Have you heard about the guy who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?."
quote[1]="I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder."
quote[2]="I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
quote[3]="A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.  Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals."
quote[4]="I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way."
quote[5]="My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade."
quote[6]="Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
quote[7]="I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
quote[8]="So what's the speed of dark?"
quote[9]="You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."
quote[10]="Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living."
quote[11]="I was the kid next door's imaginary friend"
quote[12]="Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."
quote[13]="Crowded elevator smell different to midget"
quote[14]="I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect"
quote[15]="Spotted in a toilet of a London office<br> TOILET OUT OF ORDER.  PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW."
quote[16]="In a London department store<br><br>BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS"
quote[17]="In an office<br><br>AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD."
quote[18]="Outside a second-hand shop<br><br>WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?"
quote[19]="Notice in health food shop window<br><br>CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS"
quote[20]="Spotted in a safari park<br><br>ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR"
quote[21]="Notice in a field<br><br>THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES."
quote[22]="Message on a leaflet<br><br>IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS."
quote[23]="New Dictionary Meanings - Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon"
quote[24]="New Dictionary Meanings - Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained."
quote[25]="New Dictionary Meanings - Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach"
quote[26]="New Dictionary Meanings - Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk"
quote[27]="New Dictionary Meanings - Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent"
quote[28]="New Dictionary Meanings - Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown."
quote[29]="New Dictionary Meanings - Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp"
quote[30]="New Dictionary Meanings - Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash"
quote[31]="New Dictionary Meanings - Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller"
quote[32]="New Dictionary Meanings - Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline"
quote[33]="New Dictionary Meanings - Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam"
quote[34]="New Dictionary Meanings - Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you"
quote[35]="New Dictionary Meanings - Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts"
quote[36]="If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out"
quote[37]="Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often"
quote[38]="Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a  garage makes you a car."
quote[39]="Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity"
quote[40]="If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried  before"
quote[41]="My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"
quote[42]="Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious."
quote[43]="It is easier to get forgiveness than permission."
quote[44]="For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program"
quote[45]="If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip"
quote[46]="If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?"
quote[47]="Eat well, stay fit, die anyway"
quote[48]="Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!"
quote[49]="By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends"
quote[50]="Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator. "
quote[51]="Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world"
quote[52]="Can you cry under water"
quote[53]="How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?"
quote[54]="Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?"
quote[55]="Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?"
quote[56]="Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway."
quote[57]="It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

function rndnumber(){
var randscript = -1
while (randscript < 0 || randscript > howMany || isNaN(randscript)){
randscript = parseInt(Math.random()*(howMany+1))
}
return randscript
}
quo = rndnumber()
quox = quote[quo]
document.write(quox)
// End -->